I had originally written this true story to my two sons while they where in Marine Corps boot camp. When I wrote this story, I hoped that they would be entertained and get a little laugh. I have edited the story with the hope that other people can get a little laugh and entertainment out of my misfortune.
Today was one crazy, crazy day but it didn’t start out that way. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed this morning. I had a ton of energy yesterday but today I was exhausted all morning. I could have taken a nap at moment’s notice. We didn’t do anything for most of the day and I had a hard time just keeping my eyes open. Around 2:00, your mom stared telling me about how excited she was to get the new Harry Potter boo
k on Sunday. Well stupid me mentions, without thinking about the consequences, how we went and got book sevenat midnight when it came out. Of course now we all have to get ready and go to Texarkana. We leave the house and stop to get a drink at Red-E-Mart but the air conditioner in the Yukon is acting up so we go home and get the Charger. By the way, the air conditioner in the Yukon was starting and stopping on its own. Now, we get to T-town around 5:00 so we only have to kill seven hours before we can pick up her Harry Potter book, so we shop for a little while and go to eat at Chili’s.
After supper we decided to go to the park so Dawson and Mom can hunt for Pokémon. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. We are hunting Pokémon with about 30 other people at the park. Around 8:30, we are low on gas and it is only 30 minutes until they start of the Harry Potter festivities so we leave the park to get gas. Now is when all the fun begins! As we are driving to the gas station the air conditioner starts going on and off in the Charger. We make it to the gas station but I’m worried about the air conditioner. We already have two vehicles air conditioners not working correctly (remember Tyler’s broke before y’all left). Apparently the air conditioner is not the problem. After I fill up the car, your mom turns the ignition and the car does nothing. Fortunately for us, your uncle Geoffrey is close by. He was at the bookstore because your mom has roped him and Aubrey into going to the bookstore for the big night. Geoffrey got to the gas station in just a few minutes which was great because we are in the middle of the ghetto. He jumps the car with a fancy little charger that he has in his truck and we all head to Books-a-Million. We let the car run for a good bit to charge the battery before we turn it off. Before we go into the book store I try to start the car again but of course the car will not start. Geoffrey and I look at the battery and clean the connections but I’m convinced that the alternator has gone out. I can’t figure any other reason why the car won’t start and the air conditioner is going on and off.
I think we should just leave the car at the book store until the morning but your mom decides we should try and go home. Geoffrey uses his fancy car charger which is no bigger than a smart phone to jump start the car again. We do have a little bit of sense so we decide to avoid the interstate, in case we have car trouble, but we still have to drive through town to get to Hwy 67. We get to the state line intersection by the Arkansas side Wal-Mart (probably the busiest intersection in Texarkana) and the car begins to sputter but we get through the intersection! This is the intersection by Fuzzy’s where we saw the wreck. Of course at the time, all I can think of is the wreck we saw there before the two of you left. Now at the next red light, we are across the street from Wal-Mart and the Dollar tree is right beside us and all of sudden the car dies! The car is as dead as a door knob. It will not even turn over a little bit. We are on a hill so I think I can push the car down the hill and into a bank parking lot at the bottom of the hill. I tell your mom to put the car in neutral but she cannot get the car in gear. There are cars honking behind us and your little brother Drew is bawling in the backseat. I get out of the car and wave cars around and a police officer pulls in behind us which scares Drew even more. Some how Geoffrey shows up and parks in the dollar tree parking lot right beside us. He tries to jump the car but his fancy little charger is as dead as our car. The police officer is nice but he tells us that if we can’t get the car moved he is going to have to call a wrecker. He tells us that he has jumper cables but he doesn’t think they will reach. Now our luck is starting to change because unbelievably, the Charger’s battery is in the trunk. We are able to get the car charged enough to get it in gear.
Now Geoffrey, the police officer, and I are waiting for the light to turn green so we can push the car out of the way. We look like a red neck bobsled team getting ready to push the car down the hill. Finally, after what seems like forever, the light turns green and we are off to the races. We lose the cop after about two steps. I am not worried because Geoffrey and I are still at it and the car is spreading away but about half way down the hill I hear Geoff say that he is wearing flip flops and he can’t keep up anymore. No problem, I keep following the car and she makes it into the bank lot! Now all she has to do is park the car but the car runs out of steam going uphill into the bank parking lot and it looks like it may start rolling back downhill and into the road. I jump behind the car and stop it from going downhill but I realize instantly that I shouldn’t have skipped leg day for the last ten years. Thank God, I don’t have to hold for too long before Geoff is back behind the car with me and we are able to push it into a parking spot. I’m ecstatic. The car is out of the road and in a parking spot. I’m thinking our luck may be finally changing. Your mom and I thank the police officer and we are discussing what to do next.
While we are talking, Geoffrey walks back up the hill to get his truck and Drew, Dawson, and Aubrey have gotten in his truck at some point in time without me noticing. Geoff pulls into the bank parking lot and Drew gets out of the truck. He is still hysterically crying. Your mom is trying to soothe him but her words do not have the desired effect because all of a sudden he begins to projectile vomit. Now I get the hell out of dodge but Geoff and your mom start laughing. Well the joke was soon on them because he turns directions and they get sprayed before they can get out of the way. Now the three of them have puke on their shoes. I find this somewhat funny albeit disgusting. Now, Drew on the other hand finds it to be extremely funny and he calms down.
Now, the bank is only a few blocks from Geoffrey’s house so he decides to run home and get his jumper cables which he apparently doesn’t keep in his truck. We add water to the battery and let it charge for several minutes. The car eventually makes it to Geoffrey’s house without any further problems. Now I would like to say we laughed, watched a little t.v. and quickly went to sleep but only two of those things would be true. We were extremely grateful to Geoff for all that he had done already and he was letting us spend the night at his house. Unfortunately, sleep wasn’t in the cards that night.
Around midnight, I suggested we all go to bed and no one had any complaints. Your mom, Drew and I decide to sleep in the living room. The kids are asleep in quick order and I’m about to go to sleep but all of a sudden Geoff’s cat decides it would be a great time to talk to and play with the guests. This ain’t a chill cat like our gray kitty. This thing sounds like some kind of loud demented cartoon cat every time it meows which is about every 30 seconds. This goes on for about 2 hours until your mom finds a way to pawn it off on Dawson. All she did was close one door on one side of the living room and a three foot toddler gate on the other side. Apparently the cat didn’t think it could jump over the little gate so it got in bed with Dawson. It finally quiets down and goes to sleep.
I love y’all and I’m very proud of the two of you but be glad y’all were in boot camp tonight. I’m not sure there has ever been a drill instructor who could have devised a more horrible trip to pick up a book! That better be the greatest Harry Potter book of all time.
We got up fairly early and Geoff takes all of us to McDonald’s for breakfast. We took the battery out of the car before we left and we discussed the situation while we ate breakfast. We decide that the best course of action is to get the battery checked and get a new one just in case that is the only problem. They check the battery at Wal-Mart and of course we need a new one. We get the cheapest one we can find (it was still over $60) and go back to Geoff’s house. Low and behold, we put the battery in and the car starts right up. We thank Geoff and ask him to keep his phone handy and we head out on our way home. We are just about to get out of Texarkana but your mom realizes that we haven’t gotten her book. You know, the whole purpose of the trip, so we turn around and head back into town. I’m not a real happy camper so I stay in the car while it’s running (I don’t dare turn off the car because I fear it will not start again) and she goes in to get her book. Now she doesn’t just get her book; she also has to get her and Dawson a cappuccino or some other crap like it. It takes forever. During the time she is getting the drinks made, Dawson comes to the car with the book. I was secretly wanting to read the book too so I open it up and it’s a freaking play. I can’t stand reading plays. Eventually, she gets out of the book store and we make it home with no more problems. When we got home, we parked the car and started it later without any problems. Apparently, it was just the battery. It was after lunch when we got home. We lie around the house for a while but before it was time for church, your mom made a slide show or movie, I’m not real sure, of church camp. At church tonight, it was just singing. We had a good time and the slide show was great. Your mom even got up and sang with a group of us. We sang “Have a little talk with Jesus.” That actually might not be the name of the song, but that is how the chorus goes. After the singing, we had sandwiches. The church decided to have an ice cream social when the two of you get back so look forward to lots of homemade ice cream!
I love y’all!
By the way, the car did need a new alternator.